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long personal update below the cut, nothing hugely important just fyi cause I’m not here much these days

hi friends! I hope all is well in internetland.

finally found myself an editor – I think. she’s edited YA fantasy and erotica with a sci-fi flavor, which makes me think our styles will jive. tbd when that starts, though.

it’s been a sicky time in our household, ft. lots of sleeping. a three-week cold turned into some weird 48-hour stomach bug that I got over last weekend but Jake just caught last night 🙁 we also have to start on the Mediterranean diet soon, which will be good but also frustrating I imagine

work’s busy. full stop.

I can’t believe it’s almost November already. this is absolutely a pantser year, which…might not be such a bad thing. I’m hoping Daugment feels more like a playground than a school.

Minecraft is really fun, people. I’m enjoying the hell out of it. it’s so relaxing and yet you get a sense of accomplishment when you’ve built things.

I think that’s all. snore.

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Jake was checking in with me about our lifestyle the other day, as he is wont to do (<3), and he goes, “are you sure you’re good with this because, you know, it’s kind of weird and crazy, and it isn’t for everyone, and I want you to tell me if it ever becomes too much,” and I gave him a look of gratefulness so he’d know I wasn’t just being a little shit but THEN I said, “um, my life is basically one giant fandom. I can ship anyone with anyone AND SOMETIMES MY SHIPS COME TRUE HOW COOL IS THAT”

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to be vaguely more specific: there is an art to giving someone the room to breathe and be whatever it is they need to be–to let them explore the myriad of options around sexuality, parenting, spirituality, philosophy, and other core values that are generally minefields–without forcing them into feeling like they should be/feel/believe a certain way, about any of those things. Jake gives me the perfect space, strikes the perfect balance.

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it’s important to note that in the pantheon of things Jake does for me, the ones I post are such a tiny, tiny percentage – even if I was posting several times a day, the number of moments that make me pause and think, oh, wow, someone who does that for me/says that to me/makes that reference in that moment is rarer than rare, rare enough as to be a myth, a myth of flesh and blood under my hands – that number is woefully unrepresented by how much of my life I share online. we’re two people who could survive without a dedicated other, yet we’ve molded each other towards our collective center of good traits, far beyond recognition now. who would we be without our other half? “other half” is an inadequate term. half implies a certain type of completeness in what remains, an equality at least. what’s left of me after you remove the influence of my soulmate is like the salt and flavoring at the bottom of a bag of chips. it’s the right flavor profile, but without the substance of context, it’s overwhelming and off-putting. without Jake, I would have existed, of course, probably even been happy – but I’m so glad this is how we’ve gone. <3

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realized today I’d held a fundamental flaw in my understanding of Jake…

he’s not an extrovert, he just plays one on TV (production jobs, and anywhere else being social is required).

all this time I guess I was coming at it from the perspective of an introvert who loves an extrovert, and trying to learn how a very different person works – but actually, we’re both introverts, we both need to be in our weird headspaces sometimes, and as such we actually have to communicate it with each other.

(he’s been doing this the whole time.)

it’s so enlightening! everything makes so much more sense! god! hello, fresh understanding!

ahhh 😀

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today I was that stupid kitten hanging onto the rope and Jake was the shredder that mercifully put that poster out of its misery.

(what that really means is he’s the person who knows me the best and you just don’t get a life partner better than one who knows you best and gives a shit about not letting you shit on yourself)

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there is no person in the world I admire more than the one I married. there is no warmth in the world I want enveloping me more than his arms, his bare skin. there is no haven in the world safer than his love, understanding, generosity and hope.

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lately I’ve wished a few people back into my life, and I’m worried that with how much I’m talking about A, I’m going to see her return shortly. ~good thing~ I’ve been preparing my fuck off speech!! :’D

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got my eyebrows waxed for the first time. hurts like a fathafucka but might be worth it