Much ado about tools

It’s been like an episode of the as-of-yet-nonexistent reality show “Device Swap” around here this weekend!  Jake graciously bestowed his laptop upon me, saying that while he’d love to keep it, I need it right now between starting up my consulting side business and writing so much.  So now, with this beautiful Apple keyboard that truly compels me to type, I’m starting my editing of A God Grown Old.  Slowly but surely I’m replacing all of the spots where I’d gotten lazy or couldn’t find an old reference and had to put questions marks in brackets, and going through my “Rough Draft 1” copy on my Kindle to find the highlights I’d made for awkward phrasing or concepts I need to look at again.

And seriously, this computer is awesome. I can type so fast on it. Between this generous gift and the inspiration that Bioshock Infinite has been, I should be producing volumes of work in no time…

(I am working a morning shift at a cafe. We are serving breakfast. A little boy and his mother enter the cafe.)

Me: “So, what will it be?”

Child: “I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN.”

(There is a sudden silence and everyone turns to look. The mother looks very embarrassed.)

Mother: “Eggs… he would like some eggs…”

Wait, in what context have you seen bat blow jobs? I’ve seen an otter fellating himself (in front of children and their varyingly distraught parents), but that’s the best I’ve got to show in interesting animal sexuality.

I was in the nocturnal house at the zoo one time and the parents were absolutely RUSHING their children past the bat exhibit, so of course I stopped to observe. straight up bat fellatio. the male was hanging from his wingclaws and the female was hanging from her feet and she was bobbing her head.