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this is a Defying Gravity appreciation post

once upon a time, Oppressive College Roommate tried to take me under her wing (and by that I mean sit on my head in the river until I drowned. metaphorically of course), so she played “Popular” and “What Is This Feeling?” as my intros to Wicked

but never ever did she play Defying Gravity, because she was Galinda! so that would never do.

now I listen to it and I laugh quietly to myself because yeah, I’m the one who’s gonna go off and make millions on a TV show, and she’s gonna play housewife to a guy who claims the Lord reformed his homosexual ways

so if you care to find me, look to the Western sky – but bitch, you can’t bring me down.

I do have an inordinate amount of bitterness about this relationship, yes, why do you ask?

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Just wanted to say how much I appreciate having a boyfriend who isn’t intimidated by and isn’t trying to control my creative brain-life.

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He always stood too close to her, with his soft breath and bearded smile and sometimes a guitar.  She would sing, not too loudly, because she didn’t think God had made her voice to listen to it.  But he would always lean in, his blue eyes too earnest, and murmur that she had a beautiful, beautiful voice.  And wouldn’t she like to sing loudly? 

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weirdest feeling today: headed out of Starbucks after kissing my producer boyfriend goodbye, ran into our precocious little actress and her mom on my way out, and stepped into the muggy summer afternoon, smelling Magnolia, thinking, someday I’ll look back at this and remember this as the moment I knew I would be famous.

conceited son of a bitch, I am.

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asdfghjkl.

I really don’t know how my sister and I are siblings.

She’s all up into this Army business – she’s 16 and just got back from one of those cadet summer camp things.

I’m so against anything that involves potentially killing people, I should probably go hippy-fy myself.  (Oh right, I’m going to Hempfest after work today. Yeeeeah.)

Somehow, we grew up in the same household with the same set of values.

I just never understood the appeal of wanting to go out and put myself in danger in order to force the American ideals on hapless countries.

Granted, if she’d wanted to be reserve, or Coast Guard, then maybe – defend your home in time of need and save people.

But this – this is so foreign to me.

Guess we’re just different.

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If I were with me, I’d change my mind about me.

I’d date me for about a month, and then I’d realize I was a lazy-ass in bed, and not particularly attractive anyway, and what the hell is up with my funky brain and my inability to be wrong? So I’d decide something was definitely going to have to change, and I know myself well enough to know it won’t be me, so I’d walk me down to the canal and I’d break up with me.

Everybody else changes their mind about me, and it’s not hard for me to see why. Good thing I’m naive and trusting and have decided just to go with this. Right?

…right?

It’s the dumbest of all nagging feelings, but I really would change my mind about me. And the projected permanence of this relationship is terrifying not because I’m scared of commitment (gorrammit, do you know what I would do for that kind of stability in my life?), but because I’m scared that he’ll change his mind and that I’ll be left starting over (again).

Blah. It’s been kind of an off-day. I’ve been down on myself lately. Dunno why I do that.

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daughter, I am disappoint.

I wonder if it would be worse
in lolspeak.

probably not.