last month I sensitized myself to the sound of soda cans opening and now I want to strangle anyone who opens a damn can of anything

normally this time of year I’m like “here are some things I did! and some things I want to do!” but I’m too tired 2 really do all of that nonsense so in the spirit of fresh starts (which is why I like this time of year), my thoughts & brags

this year:

  • really made the studio, & created The Damn Shames (brand & characters)
  • finished editing Daugment
  • wrote six short stories
  • did Well @ work (like. rly Well)
  • successfully navigated a breakup & remained close 2 the person
  • made new friends online & IRL
  • found an application 4 all my artistic skillz (and my networking skillz 2 boot)
  • learned how 2 speak 2 crows
  • made some damn peace (and dealt with some damn dark times)

next year:

  • go on a low-sodium diet (so 2 speak, not literally.)
  • take a class, learn something new (physical, maybe, but not necessarily)
  • publish Daugment
  • edit FR
  • strive 2 have a backbone in all situations (personal and professional)
  • keep going after what I want
  • find a better place 2 live
  • do at least one physical thing and one thing 4 me every day
  • read 20 books (keeping it modest; may obliterate this goal, may not)
  • optimize for health (i.e. spend 20 minutes a day on chores, stay hydrated, take vitamin D)

2016′s rash of celebrity deaths didn’t affect me much, until this one. I finished a book yesterday that I’d never have written if Carrie hadn’t shown me that women were able, willing, and going to take their place in science fiction. I love you, space princess.

at the end of this week I’m gonna start unfollowing blogs that are still posting certain types of political content. I love you and I probably don’t disagree with you but there is a certain kind of weariness that I cannot give in to. refusing to submit to that weariness through constant exposure is not denial…I simply don’t want the decrying, the decaying to go on forever. there’s so much to do. I need to stay focused. there’s so much to do, so much to say. I promise to listen. I promise to remember where I come from. I love you, and I want you to say what you need to say. I want to help make your voice heard. but after a while, I will need to go on, I will need to face ahead.

onward and upward!

I’ve been extraordinarily hard on myself lately and yesterday it was time to stop. I’m still skittish and tired, but I cried the way I needed to into Jake’s chest. I can be less over the things I’m not over, and more over the things I am.

so for a long time (while I was not definitively in the camp of “people who are currently experiencing success”) I was like “oh hey I can brag about my progress on the internet!” it sort of went hand-in-hand with complaining about the shitty parts of life. par for the course.

and now I’m like… well shit, is all of this privilege? did I work for this or did I get lucky? do I get to talk about this or is it just bragging because of the resources I have access to?

it’s disorienting. I still feel like a millenial struggling with so many of the same things my generation struggles with, but then I have days like today and I’m like shit, I can’t talk about this “big adult moment” because I’m “successful” and therefore it’s just bragging and shoving my privilege down others’ throats.

(I may have talked about this before. it’s in my head on a regular basis. sigh.)

I did a really good job taking care of myself AND Jake this weekend and I’m prouder of that than most things this year