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this is a Defying Gravity appreciation post

once upon a time, Oppressive College Roommate tried to take me under her wing (and by that I mean sit on my head in the river until I drowned. metaphorically of course), so she played “Popular” and “What Is This Feeling?” as my intros to Wicked

but never ever did she play Defying Gravity, because she was Galinda! so that would never do.

now I listen to it and I laugh quietly to myself because yeah, I’m the one who’s gonna go off and make millions on a TV show, and she’s gonna play housewife to a guy who claims the Lord reformed his homosexual ways

so if you care to find me, look to the Western sky – but bitch, you can’t bring me down.

I do have an inordinate amount of bitterness about this relationship, yes, why do you ask?

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If I were with me, I’d change my mind about me.

I’d date me for about a month, and then I’d realize I was a lazy-ass in bed, and not particularly attractive anyway, and what the hell is up with my funky brain and my inability to be wrong? So I’d decide something was definitely going to have to change, and I know myself well enough to know it won’t be me, so I’d walk me down to the canal and I’d break up with me.

Everybody else changes their mind about me, and it’s not hard for me to see why. Good thing I’m naive and trusting and have decided just to go with this. Right?

…right?

It’s the dumbest of all nagging feelings, but I really would change my mind about me. And the projected permanence of this relationship is terrifying not because I’m scared of commitment (gorrammit, do you know what I would do for that kind of stability in my life?), but because I’m scared that he’ll change his mind and that I’ll be left starting over (again).

Blah. It’s been kind of an off-day. I’ve been down on myself lately. Dunno why I do that.