for me, transness and queerness are much more deliberate and conscious ways of engaging with gender and sexuality. both cisness and straightness are unconscious, automatic, and ignorant methods of relating to oneself and to others and i have no interest in living my life like that or spending time with those who do so
yesssss the “coming to terms” i did w/ being gay was like the transformative mental health experiences ive had in rejecting unhealthy behaviors/realizing the abuse that had been done to me, except i was rejecting straightness and the habit/assumption of straightness. it was very positive and very proactive for me
my coming to terms was like…a retroactive lifting of the veil. a self-forgiveness for what I had mistaken as sin or slipping or pretending for show, for what was actually just me, Loving/Lusting For people. all the people. I went through a year-long phase of looking at everyone as slightly more sexual…like going through puberty again, and unlike puberty I was shedding guilt, not robing myself with it.