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crows mate for life, dude.: cincodenada: victorymightbefire: i’ll tell you what though, nothing…

crows mate for life, dude.: cincodenada: victorymightbefire: i’ll tell you what though, nothing…

changelingupkeep:

cincodenada:

victorymightbefire:

i’ll tell you what though, nothing makes me want to keep smoking more than self-righteous non-smokers.

it is not okay to just run around calling people repulsive, bro.

“why would you do anything that increases your risk of cancer?!?!?!”

um i don’t…

I get less self righteous and more triggery.

Look, it might be comparable to coffee for y’all, but I get to see my dad eat through a tube in his stomach every evening and have to go to the hospital to make sure his throat cancer hasn’t come back.

Seeing people smoke just brings me back to me as a college student wailing over my computer monitor, tryng to finish a essay, wishing I was back home, worrying that I might not be able to come back to my dad still alive.

I don’t know my father’s grandfather because he died of the same cancer when I was three. Also a smoker. I’m told he would have loved me, and during my graduation he would have been hollering and making me embarrassed as all hell.

I have yet to see Coffee cause a similar circumstance in my family.

I’m watching Pepsi consume the brain of my fiance’s father. he was an accountant, non-smoker, non-alcoholic his entire life, but he drank a lot of Pepsi. and now he’s rapidly declining into a horrific case of dementia.  that said, I don’t even tell my fiance to put the soda down. he knows how I feel about it and he’s easing off of it for his own reasons.

my heart broke more than a little reading your story.  don’t get me wrong, I don’t look at chain smokers and think that they’re choosing health. I have members of my family who also passed away from lung cancer.  (I also have a grandmother I never met who, like your grandfather, supposedly would have adored me. she died from breast cancer. it sucks.)

but if judging people for putting chemicals in their body is acceptable, then I think the point of this post (or my addition to it at least) was that the list of substances should be a lot longer than cigarettes (or marijuana).

I mean, long story short, everything is terrifying.

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cincodenada:

victorymightbefire:

i’ll tell you what though, nothing makes me want to keep smoking more than self-righteous non-smokers.

it is not okay to just run around calling people repulsive, bro.

“why would you do anything that increases your risk of cancer?!?!?!”

um i don’t know because i wasn’t planning on being immortal anyway and it makes people like you keep a distance.

“why?!?!?!” they say…as they drink their third cup that morning of their favorite possible carcinogen otherwise known as coffee and head off in their known-carcinogen-spewing truck to get a refill on their known-carcinogenic birth control, dialing friends on the way to make sure they’re in for getting drunk on a variety of known carcinogens known as alcohol tonight, which reminds them they should hit up the known-carcinogen factory known as a tanning salon before next weekend, when they’re going to their beach cabin with a likely-carcinogen generator called a wood stove to soak in the likely-carcinogen source known as the sun.

I don’t smoke, but I also don’t try to control other people’s risk factors and life decisions, because we all have our own levels of acceptable risk and benefits and reasons and can be perfectly reasonable people despite making different choices than other people, and we pretty much all do risky things that we find acceptable.

hear hear.

I try my best to gently nudge the average person’s idea of a smoker (not the cigarette kind, ‘hem) in a different direction, but I neither condemn anyone else for doing it (or a variety of other dangerous things, as listed above), nor try to claim that smoking is for everyone.

immortality is a) currently out of reach and b) not really something I relish the idea of anyway, unless a TON of factors fell into place. so why worry about it so goddamn much?

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it’s been turmoil and hell lately in my head, which I’ve been fighting because the rational part of me hasn’t been unhappy. but, between being lonely out in the sticks, feeling like I haven’t accomplished a significant project in months, and running into those questions that inevitably those who fall into the category of “adult,” “ex-religious” and/or “philosophically inclined” encounter (especially at this age, I hear), I’ve had my share of troubling thoughts as of late. no big deal, usually, these things come and go in cycles and I handle them well enough under normal circumstances.

but everything got worse. no matter that I have the perfect man for me, who has constantly been reassuring me in every way he can. no matter that I’m not really discontent with my accomplishments, and have actually learned to manage my own expectations much better than previous years. and no matter that I want to be happy and have been.

turns out, though, there’s been a pretty simple explanation for much of it all along.

without meaning to, I’ve started under-eating. not obsessively, but almost naturally. my portion sizes shrank and I started skipping meals, especially breakfast and sometimes even lunch as well. when I was emotionally compromised, I would double my unintentional efforts not to consume anything (because apparently instead of comfort eating I comfort don’t-eat). plus I’ve been consistently doing my yoga, 20-30 minutes a day at least four times per week, get it on nightly barring complications, and still walk quite a bit when I run errands in the city.

my eyes were opened to the difference when, after 5 straight years of hovering right between 120-130 pounds, I stepped on the scale and weighed 110. there’s no way I lost that from yoga, although I’m sure the *ahem* other exercise-like activities have assisted, but yeah. it was scary. I don’t look skeletal by any means, but I’m definitely not carrying any extra weight anymore.  it’s a weight I’d like to maintain, sure, but in a healthy way.

so today I decided to look up under-eating, just to see what side effects it might be having on me. (source)

  • depression
  • panic
  • withdrawal/turning inward
  • loss of sex drive
  • irrational thinking

BIN-GO.

I’ve felt depressed, despite being happy. I’ve panicked about stupid shit that is taken care of, out of my control, or completely irrelevant. I was lost in my head for a good four days straight, despite fighting to turn outward again. I haven’t been particularly interested in the usual sexytime activities (doesn’t help that I’ve had two periods this month either). I’ve upped my tendency to “plan for the worst,” i.e. be a fatalist and imagine the worst possible outcomes for scenarios that haven’t even proven to exist.

so: a lack of calories, a lack of nutrients, and my body and mind are way out of whack.

it’s time to get this train back on track. though I don’t want to swing too hard the other direction and start fattening up, I need to maintain a healthy caloric intake. I’m thinking my goal is somewhere between 1200-1400, considering my generally sedentary lifestyle and the fact that we’re coming up on winter i.e. don’t-go-anywhere-and-play-tons-of-video-games.

the end. feeling better already.

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The Five Steps to a Healthier August

brittathinksyoureedible:

once upon a time, I decided it was time to make Good Habits™, because I am 22 and if I don’t start now, I’ll never actually do it.

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WOOOOO just looked through my entire Tumblr feed to find this again.

so, how am I doing?

1. Drink More Water. oooops. not so much. I’ve been better at staying hydrated than I used to be, but I’m definitely not in the 64 oz-per-day range at all. Solution: start using my water bottle again. it needs another rinse-out before I feel safe doing so, but that’s easy. SO: four of those per day. that’s doable.

2. Do Physical Shit. since I moved, I’ve been slacking on this, but prior to the last two weeks I was doing very well on this. I was running at least once or twice a week and doing 20-30 minutes of yoga at least twice if not three times per week. and I was feeling great! now that my entire home office is a bed, I really need to stay on this.Solution: find some easy lunchtime workouts to supplement what I do at home, in case I can’t get to my exercise every day I’d like to.

3. Eat More Fruit. infinitely better! Jake’s mom is fantastic about making me take fruit to work every day, and it’s always available for a snack, so I’m getting in at least one piece of fruit every day.

4. Portion Control. not terrible, but not fantastic. if we eat out, I usually end up with some leftovers to take home, so I guess my stomach is controlling me in that sense…but then I end up eating it later. and I snack a lot. I could try to justify to myself that I’m doing that six small meals deal, but really that’s a lie. Solution: don’t always eat when Jake does, and try to choose healthy or “tide me over” snacks when I do feel hungry.

5. Multivamins. damn, I’ve completely neglected this one. the sad thing is that I remember them every time I’m getting ready, and then I think, “nahhh, ew, don’t want to do that,” and then I forget. Solution: take multivitamins to work with me so I have no excuse.

Overall: I’m taking a little better care of myself, but I want to be a lot further along than I am. I’ll be tackling a couple of these over the next few months, and I’ll check back in then. *salute*

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The Five Steps to a Healthier August

emeraldcityorbust:

youcancallmeboots:

once upon a time, I decided it was time to make Good Habits™, because I am 22 and if I don’t start now, I’ll never actually do it.

 

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2. Maybe its because I’m a wimp and haven’t done the walk in a while, but you should come walk with me sometime to Trader Joe’s/Cafe Fiore. From home it’s an ASS KICKING walk. 🙂

4. Yeeeeep. I hear you there. Especially the consistently eating thing…I try to keep trail mix with me so I can have a snack if I get hungry. If I don’t have (healthy) snacks during the day then by dinner time I am a starving crazy person who will eat ANYTHING. I’m also trying to stop snacking after dinner and eating it before 6….or if I have to snack, try to drink tea, drink milk or eat a little fruit or veggies.

5. Dude I just bought these vites that are Women’s Petites, they are a bit bigger than an Advil—take two and you are good to go. Pretty awesome, I got them because I’m deficient in vitamin D, and they satisfy an entire day’s requirement.

2. I’ve done that walk quite a bit in the past! just not recently (because now I pretty much live in a four-car apartment, hahaha). I could totes be down with that.

4. healthy snacks are hard for me to keep around. generally I like fruits and vegetables for said snacks, but then at the grocery store I’m like “WHERE’M I GONNA STORE THIS J/K I LIKE THESE CRACKERS” so I don’t even buy them.

5. hmmmm. are they aspensive?

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The Five Steps to a Healthier August

once upon a time, I decided it was time to make Good Habits™, because I am 22 and if I don’t start now, I’ll never actually do it.

SO. here’s what I’ve begun to do:

1. Drink More Water.  more specifically, I consume about 64 oz of water a day. my handy dandy Starbucks water bottle (courtesy of Boyfriend) is 16 oz, so I just drink three of those during the day at work and then consume some water through the night (I know I drink at least 16 oz if not more). this has helped a lot, actually – I’m much more alert than I used to be, and I think during the winter, it’ll be easier to drag my lazy ass out of bed.

2. Do Physical Shit.  yup, I’ve put myself on an exercise plan. it’s super easy and light, because I’ve maintained my body weight at a healthy level for five years without doing anything special, but it still gets me moving. that means that some days I come home from work and bike and do pushups/pullups, while other days I go for a 30-minute run. let me tell you, running is death. I’m glad I’m starting now before the air gets waaaay too cold to start this habit.

3. Go Bananas. I Mean, Eat More Fruit. (OH GOD NO BAD PUNS) I’ve rarely gotten enough fruit in my diet, which is a Porcelain Throne Problem, if you know what I’m sayin’. I’m now trying to eat fruit with either breakfast or lunch, if not both, and get in juice when I’ve got time in the mornings to stop by 7-11. (expensive, I know.)

4. Portion Control.  this is the WORST. even worse than running. I’m used to being able to nom however much of whatever I want, when I make it or when it’s set in front of me, but recently I’ve determined that those 4-5 pounds I gained are probably the result of…ummmmm, we’ll call it “eating while hyper-aware.” ahem. but yeah. I’m actually watching my calorie intake, though certainly not obsessively, and trying to eat consistently. that was another problem – I’d not consume enough calories during the week, and then sit around and nom on the weekends. whoops.

5. Muuuultivitamin.  you know how they call big pills “horse pills”? well. my multi-vitamin pill is more like an elephant pill. it’s huge and gross and heavy, and I’m sure it contains more than I need, but it sure beats having to nibble my way through a 30-supplement collection in the morning. I take one of these and a lysine and call it good.

UGH BEING ADULT SUCKS. you actually have to take care of your own shit.