I get uncomfortable sometimes recounting to my current friends the things that my so-called “friends” in college said to me and about me (to my face). ultimately it was not the kind of situation I couldn’t remove myself from (and I did), but as someone who grew up sheltered and believing the people around me automatically had my best interests at heart, I didn’t realize the impact of said people calling me names, telling me I wasn’t “right,” that I was clumsy and ugly and weird, and then saying “I love you” in the same breath. it was the kind of cruelty that wears you down so slowly you don’t realize it’s happening until you register that you don’t really like yourself anymore, because you only see yourself through those jabs.

anyway I’m getting a lot better about most of it but sometimes when I tell my current friends about it and they get outraged at these past people I’m like… oh. this still…affects me… sometimes…