thoughts re: that post Tom reblogged…

asdfghjkl. how do human? how do GOOD human? it’s definitely the piece I miss keenly, almost on a daily basis, about abandoning my religion (for the time being; I have some curiosities in a particular direction). having what felt like unarguable metrics of success and failure gave me, at the end of the day, a map marker. a milestone. I could sleep in the peace of knowing the lord was probably pretty happy with me.

now I find I’m constantly comparing myself to other things, most of which are unproductive. how are other people in my age group doing? how about by race, sex, orientation, class? how about to the ideals espoused by Jake? or my mother? or my boss?

I suppose the only metrics that really matter are: how do I measure up to myself in the past? and how do I measure up to what I want to be?

…but how do I know what I want to be?

…and how do I be that in the world while still caring for others, for the planet, for the future – while still respecting my personal history and my origins as an animal being?

here I am, passing the quarter-century milestone, arrogant as fuck still, but finally realizing how easy it is to need a god.