Imagine swaying back and forth with Benjamin N. Jerry. You are completely lost in him, as he is in you. Even though you know that the entire room has their eyes fixated on the two of you, you can barely tell. All you can see are those creamy milkfat swirls and all you can hear is the sweet crooning of Elton John’s ‘Your Song’ pierced only by his gentle words of “You can have the whole pint.”
Ecstasy and euphoria are both unfit to explain the sheer joy you feel at this moment, in his chocolate embrace. You try to say something along the lines of “I love you, Ben.” but your words get caught and tears threaten to blind you.
“You’re mine now,” he smiles, “I will never let that change.” In that moment you knew that your new life together would be perfect — Mr. and Mrs. Jerry’s.
I accidentally left the giant parmesan cheese out last night and it died in a pile of its own oil 🙁
me (scrubbing my hands with soap): my hands still smell like the cheese I killed
Jake (getting really close to my ear): you paid the iron price………..
DID YOU KNOW
The “Red Wedding” was based on historical events: in 1991, George R.R. Martin slaughtered Orson Scott Card and his entire family at a TGI Fridays in Little Rock.
skeleton jerking off: *xylophone sounds*
“Imagine james joyce havinga neopets account and getting into fights on the forums”
Neopia being the newest of the world’s countries I had hoped it would be the most innocent. A newsuckling lamb it takes the milk of my heart of Protean I and It is a bawd. I took Premium with my last shekel and for what.
I raised Jetsam for the promise of his sharpness. Like the kinch of his back he was very strong and quick too of his glittering edge. I got for him an Altadorian Cobb Salad with the neopoints I begged of a priest. He gave them me upon the promise I would not buy drink.
I lost, o God. My pet that I raised with all care and tenderness was matched with another and all the guilds watching he fell. And lost to a quarrelsome troll who spake “lol”. And if that were all I would not be wroth but I was banned and my account suspended and for what? For expressing myself merely. My pets need me.
I said only that the upstart would never taste of quim and would never fuckity fuck a dear farting arse such as that of my Nora. I said that in the scope of life’s injustice his was the most true and malignant. I said at last that his pet was a quintessence of dust whose accidental existence proved only that the Creator is uncaring if He is even present at all.
And for this I was reported and banned. I shall not resubscribe to this minging farce and when the last tint of the day’s sun has bled from the cobbles it will be I who rests east.
