know what that is on the left? that’s less than 100 pages remaining of 210 on my first pass through my book. that’s a lot of sheets of paper, a lot of little ticki-ticki from a rickety pen (from Preston, this kid I know from school who was perhaps one of the most interesting characters I’ve ever encountered, a word wizard and life hacker extraordinaire; he found a massive box of brand new pens on the side of the road and brought them to me), and a lot of thoughts crossed out and reordered.

I keep thinking, woah. I wrote this in November? I keep going to read scenes aloud to Jake and stopping myself because I want him to experience it as a whole. this is intensely personal. this is that whole giving birth to a book cliche, and as much as I despise being a cliche, I will own you if you touch my baby. actually I’ll probably just pout and make up a story where G. kicks your ass.

some gratifying moments so far: not remembering what the character did next after a scary setup, deciding, then turning the page to find out it’s what I’d written in the first place; chuckling aloud at dialogue; chipping away at this block of stone and realizing there’s what I’m starting to think is a pretty cool story underneath.

I’ve said it to Jake and I’ll say it again: my deadline for the written portion of this self-exam is due on January 31. just for accountabilitieses.