God bless you, mystery woman who brought an offering of proper toilet paper.
“The Maiden of the Water Closet appeared with unbound grace, leaving a scroll of cleaning of softness immeasurable by the common man, but no less tangible. While her true face will never be known by the living, her mercy is known by all such that it is a second nature to all of creation.”
– The Mercies of The Maiden, excerpt from chapter four, in which Urfl Conqvist captures in detail what he calls, “another of The Maiden’s Graces.”
“We pray to Thee, our Maiden.
Full of grace, shine your smile
Upon those who tread in darkness.
Leave us your gifts as we
Go forth and leave behind
Parts of ourselves. Provide unto
Us your gentlest touch even though
We profane your holy temples.
Amen.”
Simple prayer written on the walls of a 7th century lavatory. Author unknown but rumored to belong to Osnulf The Foul, one of The Maiden’s most famous conversions.OH MY GOD I SHOULD NOT HAVE READ THIS IN CLASS