wow Pandora I absolutely DO NOT WANT a bluegrass tribute to Casting Crowns
what the fuck were you thinking
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkpY-7RvVEM
William Shatner – Eat, Fry, Love: A Cautionary Remix
this made the day of everyone in my office. please, please enjoy responsibly.
(Source: http://www.youtube.com/)
Okay here’s some scattershot so you have to scroll around: 9, 30, 40, 57, 65, 69 (heh), 92.
9) I’ve had a few poems written about me (no songs, unfortunately), but the most interesting one by far was the homeless guy who stopped me outside of Starbucks just to ask me my name so he could write a beautifully poetic acrostic poem on a tiny manila envelope. I still have it somewhere.
30) my right hand hit my secondary monitor, and my left hand hit my primary monitor. welcome to my workstation.
40) …shut up, Joel. I’m getting my permit tomorrow. really.
57) yeah, this one guy, he kinda totally stole my heart, and now I’m gonna, like, marry him and stuff. but also it’s a selectively open relationship so there’s that. (also your girlfriend is my secret girlfriend SUCKA SUCKA)
65) if it’s in your mouth, you might as well go ahead and swallow.
69) I HAVE NEEDS OKAY.
92) just half an hour? dammit. um… there was a table read of my script, once upon a time, after I’d met Jake but before we’d become a thing, and our legs touched under the table and we were both paying way more attention to that fact than to the table read while pretending we didn’t even notice. and even then I knew it was a turning point. it’s burned into my memory but I’d love to live it again.
2-8
2) if I could meet anyone on this earth, besides people I have already met (i.e. I refuse to read this question as “you can only know one person”), I would wish to meet Teddy Roosevelt or Nikola Tesla.
3) from “What I Talk About When I Talk About Running,” by Haruki Murakami: “All I do is keep on running in my own cozy, homemade void, my own nostalgic silence.”
4) I think most about connections and love.
5) “Muah!!!!” from Jake.
6) I repose in the nude.
7) I can twist my left arm almost all the way around thanks to some poor pin-setting when I broke my arm at age 6.
8) Girls have hair that I constantly want to touch. Boys are cute most of the time.
Sweet Babysitter
Nessa pricked up. Wine and giggles wafted into the house from the entryway. She smiled and flicked the remote, making The Lion King waver and disappear.
“Nessie! Nessiiie.” It was Maryanna, the mother, slurring her giddy whisper. Nessa smiled and stood up, not bothering to adjust the strap of her silky cami, which had slipped off her left shoulder.
“Yanna.” She crossed the living room to the couple, embracing the brunette and resting her hand on Rob’s broad shoulder. "How was dinner?“
"We got a little tipsy,” Rob said, smiling at Nessa over his wife’s head. "And how were the kids?“
"Perfect angels. And even sleeping now. I promised you’d give them a goodnight kiss.” Nessa untangled herself from Maryanna’s embrace. Her cami now hung so low her nipple threatened to make an appearance.
“First things first,” Maryanna said, taking Nessa’s face in both hands. She screwed her face up into a very serious expression and managed, “You are a wonderful babysitter and I’m glad you’re still here.” Then she pulled Nessa in for a long French kiss. Nessa relaxed into Maryanna’s soft bosom and ran her hands down the older woman’s back, to her waist. Maryanna broke off the kiss and ran her tongue along her lips, smearing the last of her lipstick suggestively. Nessa’s hands roved up to Maryanna’s breasts, cupping them as she gazed at them hungrily.
“Okay, okay, if you promised a goodnight kiss, I’m not gonna be the one who turns you into a liar.” It was Rob who broke them up now, gently pushing between them. Both women wriggled up and he sighed in mock exasperation. "Seriously. Nessa, bedroom. Yanna, let’s go kiss the kids.“
"You’re right,” Maryanna said, curling her lip in an attractive pout. Nessa laughed, hiding it behind the back of her hand, and gave them both shy smiles as she slipped back into the hallway. She went into their bedroom and waited, perched on the edge of the bed.
She heard the soft sounds of covers being pulled up, foreheads being kissed, and tightly-held toys being confiscated, and she smiled. This was the job she lived for. To care for a family so deeply that after the young ones were away, the adults could play.
Maryanna came into the bedroom first, exaggerating every tip-toe step. With two swift strokes of her long arms, her dress was off and she bounded onto the bed like a husky puppy, wriggling up to Nessa. Nessa giggled as the older woman nosed at her neck. "Eee! Stoppit, Yanna, you’re giving me the heebies!“
They fell to tickling one another until all their clothes were in a heap at the end of the bed. The pair was just crawling under the covers when Rob arrived, shutting the door behind him. "Privacy! Geez, girls!”
“Oh, shut your lame face and get into my bed,” Maryanna said, scooting over so her bare ass was against Nessa’s and patting the remaining space. "We know what you want, so let us give it to you.“ She threw an exaggerated wink over her shoulder.
Rob rolled into the bed and the women swarmed him. Nessa slid her nubile body down his legs, rocking her crotch against his thigh, cuddling his feet to her. Maryanna, meanwhile, pulled her hair back and dove to work on her husband’s cock. After a few moments, Rob pushed them off. "All right. My turn.”
He made them lie side by side, face up, legs spread. Nessa found she was trembling. She reached out and took Maryanna’s hand, squeezing her excitement. "I love this part,“ she whispered, as Rob’s hands descended to both of them at once.
ask me stuff
1) Sexuality?
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
4) What do you think about most?
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
7) What’s your strangest talent?
8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
13) What’s your religion?
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
17) What was the last lie you told?
18) Do you believe in karma?
19) What does your URL mean?
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
23) How do you vent your anger?
24) Do you have a collection of anything?
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
28) What’s your biggest “what if”?
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
36) Define Art.
37) Do you believe in luck?
38) What’s the weather like right now?
39) What time is it?
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
41) What was the last book you read?
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
43) Do you have any nicknames?
44) What was the last movie you saw?
45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
48) What’s your sexual orientation?
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
50) Do you believe in magic?
51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
52) What is your astrological sign?
53) Do you save money or spend it?
54) What’s the last thing you purchased?
55) Love or lust?
56) In a relationship?
57) How many relationships have you had?
58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
59) Where were you yesterday?
60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
61) Are you wearing socks right now?
62) What’s your favorite animal?
63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
64) Where is your best friend?
65) Spit or swallow?(;
66) What is your heritage?
67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?
69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
77) How can I win your heart?
78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
80) What size shoes do you wear?
81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
82) What is your favorite word?
83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
84) What is a saying you say a lot?
85) What’s the last song you listened to?
86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?
87) What is your current desktop picture?
88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
98) Ever been on a plane?
99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
so i was in the bus with this granny by my side when we spotted two girls kissing by the bus stop. the granny turned to me and said “these girls are so pretty. at their age i was pretty ugly. well, maybe that’s why i had to marry a man” i almost died omg