please
tell me which part of yourself
you hate the most
so I know exactly where to plant my lips
every time I see you
“Imagine james joyce havinga neopets account and getting into fights on the forums”
Neopia being the newest of the world’s countries I had hoped it would be the most innocent. A newsuckling lamb it takes the milk of my heart of Protean I and It is a bawd. I took Premium with my last shekel and for what.
I raised Jetsam for the promise of his sharpness. Like the kinch of his back he was very strong and quick too of his glittering edge. I got for him an Altadorian Cobb Salad with the neopoints I begged of a priest. He gave them me upon the promise I would not buy drink.
I lost, o God. My pet that I raised with all care and tenderness was matched with another and all the guilds watching he fell. And lost to a quarrelsome troll who spake “lol”. And if that were all I would not be wroth but I was banned and my account suspended and for what? For expressing myself merely. My pets need me.
I said only that the upstart would never taste of quim and would never fuckity fuck a dear farting arse such as that of my Nora. I said that in the scope of life’s injustice his was the most true and malignant. I said at last that his pet was a quintessence of dust whose accidental existence proved only that the Creator is uncaring if He is even present at all.
And for this I was reported and banned. I shall not resubscribe to this minging farce and when the last tint of the day’s sun has bled from the cobbles it will be I who rests east.
I guess when you’ve been married for that long, you wake up one day and are sick of listening to the same person breathe, so you separate and fuck even more extras and realize that most people are annoying and you were happiest when listening to that same person breathe.
– Michael K. on Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman
in 7th grade i went to the see a movie with a boy and in the middle of it he was like “do you wanna kiss” and i was like “excuse me” and he pulled a bag of hershey’s kisses out of his coat
DO YOU REALIZE WHAT A GOOD BACKUP PLAN THAT IS