November 2012 – Page 20

chels:

The other day at work, we were all sitting in the kitchen doing the NYTimes crossword puzzle (which, by the way, is one of my favorite things about my new job – we do this on the regular). And anyway, there was a clue about the NATO Phonetic alphabet – you know, alpha, bravo, charlie – and one of my coworkers who spent childhood summers in Scotland starting giving us the Cockney rhyming alphabet. Only, she didn’t explain it so we all thought she had gone bonkers.

“Oh, you know, like, B for Mutton?” she said. And I just looked at her and thought, “In what world does B ever stand for Mutton??” But then she explained that it’s heard as “Beef or Mutton” and she started rattling off some of the others and I just about died laughing because that is the greatest thing in the world. So here they all are:

A for ‘Orses (Hay for Horses)

B for Mutton (Beef or Mutton)

C for Miles (See for Miles)

D for Ential (Differential)

E for Brick (Heave a Brick)

F for Vessence (Effervescence)

G for Get It (Gee, forget it!)

H for Retirement (Age for Retirement)

I for The Engine (Ivor the Engine)

J for Oranges (Jaffa Oranges)

K for Restaurant (Cafe or Restaurant)

L for Leather (Hell for Leather)

M for Sis (Emphasis)

N for Lope (Envelope)

O for The Garden Wall (Over the Garden Wall)

P for Relief (How do you spell relief)

Q for a Bus (Queue for a Bus)

R for Mo (Half a Moment)

S for As You Go (As Far As You Go)

T for Two (Tea for Two)

U for Me (You for Me)

V for La France (Vive la France)

W for the Winnings (Double you for the Winnings)

X for Breakfast (Eggs for Breakfast)

Y for Husband (Wife or Husband)

Z for Wind (Zephyr Wind)

oh god my wordgasms.