gooooooooin’ to the courthouse and we’re

gooooooooonna get maa-aaa-aaaa-rried

tomorrow I will don a white, lacy dress and Jake will button up a well-fitting green shirt and new black slacks. together we will go to the courthouse and repeat our vows after the judge while our families and friends watch.

it feels peacefully inevitable, like the climax of a really, really good book about two people who love each other fiercely.

and then the fun begins.

my mother has decided that inviting people to my wedding is cool. let me break it down:

a) that is rude and inconsiderate. especially when NOT ONLY do you “invite” them, but what you mean by invite them is “I’m going to tell them that you’re NOT inviting them and then, when you relent and say they can come, lecture you for acting like a 14-year-old”

b) the more people who get added, the more complications they layer on to who ELSE I have to invite. immediate family is a very. easy. line to draw and it should not be that difficult to understand. when I start saying yes to this person or that person then anyone else at that level of closeness to me has to be under consideration or else THEY will feel left out. what the fuck?? why did this, today, become EXACTLY the thing I was escaping? FUCK.

c) NO.


im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names