have I mentioned lately that I am the luckiest? –for finding my best friend, who also happens to be the most thoughtful lover, tireless worker, wise leader, gentle soul.
any time I make Jake laugh about his fandoms he goes “plus one marriage” and it warms me to my toes.
waking up to your gentle slow smile and insistent warm arms makes the thunderstorm outside irrelevant.
you clasp me to you and you whisper to me that my very identity makes you want me more. I can feel the truth of it in your hands. we are a smile, slow and deliberate or easy-quick or mischief incarnate. I love you. I love you. this is what I hear when I walk: I love you I love you I love you. my footsteps are quicker when they bring me to you.
when I struggle to stay afloat, you are there; and when I have wounded you, still you are there. always. my rock. my superhero. my necessary illumination.
I love you. I love you.
I love you.
so Jake doesn’t get to read much or often, but he totally does (could I have married a non-reader? nooooo). he’s reading The Club Dumas. anyway yesterday he goes, “oh btw, I’m almost done with Dumas, and the ending is really cool. I’m about thirty pages from the end – ”
and before he can finish I POUNCED on him and gave him a giant clingy hug and was like “omg omg OMG!! this is my favorite part of a person’s life: when they finish a book and get to CHOOSE A NEW ONE!!!”
it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him laugh as hard as he did.
and I just kept going: “so, it’s – terrifying. I mean… it’s probably not terrifying for you but it’s terrifying for me… the thoughts just run through your head, like, what if the next book doesn’t live up? or WORSE: what if the next book is a waste of my time? but you never know and that’s the ADVENTURE!!!”
by this point I’m shaking and trembling with excitement over the prospect of the adventure of a new book and he’s sort of holding on to me and still laughing with his head thrown all the way back.
then he kisses me on the nose and says, with a mostly straight face, “I am lucky to be marrying you, but shut up.”
and it was the happiest thing in the world.
honestly: soulmateness has exceeded 9000%
we’ve reached hypercritical mass
must
get
married