oh, no, sure thing, AT&T! we definitely called you to change our service so that we could get rid of text messaging

yeah that’s what we wanted

lately I’ve wished a few people back into my life, and I’m worried that with how much I’m talking about A, I’m going to see her return shortly. ~good thing~ I’ve been preparing my fuck off speech!! :’D

hahaha I forgot how much I hate social media during launch cycles

(and the beginning of the TV season for that matter)

why. why do I need to justify myself. why is a civil ceremony so terrible. family, you will not earn my undying affection by questioning the validity and terms of my happiness. why. no.

I agreed to meet ex-roommate from college for lunch today.

she’s 20 minutes late. no surprise there.

first thing she says as we’re walking away from the parking meter: “so, am I one of those friends you restrict the time to see because you don’t actually want to spend the time?” okay, I’m a bit taken aback, but whatever, I take it in stride. “actually it’s really hard for me to get back home at nights, so if I go anywhere but south, I have to find a way to get home.”  try to explain this further, but get blown off.

she mentions her next vehicle will probably be a mini-van. I laugh and say “yeahhh, you can totally be a soccer mom, it’s fine.”  she glares at me and goes, “don’t tell me what’s fine.”

we get inside. she goes, “by the way, I’m 12 weeks pregnant.”  cool.  (so not going to tell you I’m engaged today.)  moments later: “so, not that I’m going to judge you or proselytize to you, but…where are you on the whole god thing?”

which of course leads to my best fumbling attempt at explaining that while I can get behind the idea that there’s a spiritual aspect to life, who the hell knows what that really looks like and if we’re ever know, so I prefer to live by the ideology of loving people and see what comes of that.  she rolls her eyes.  we’re quickly talking about her gynecologist, because what else would we talk about?

she asks how my “boy toy” is doing. I swallow my nasty remarks and politely say that Jake is doing wonderfully, thanks.

as we’re leaving, she asks why I haven’t come out for dinner.  I explain once more that, well, it’s an hour and a half minimum home from work if I leave from the south end of the city, so if I add any time by going north it’s just ridiculous. she demands to know why I haven’t just brought Jake with me. and here’s where it gets really sticky. because I know for a fact, from having known her for so long, that when she met Jake she really didn’t like him. (he didn’t like her either, for the record, it’s a mutual thing.) so why the fuck is she asking to have him over? so I’m about as honest then as I am the whole time: “because you aren’t really gonna get along." this makes her incredibly indignant.

at the end of it all I’m just like, fine, some time we’ll come out there. and y’know, even if Jake doesn’t want to go, I’ll follow through on it, and I will be as me as humanly possible. and then we’ll see if she ever invites me back, because goddamn, she sure doesn’t seem to like even tame me.

fuck.

why do I waste my time.

so if my jaw keeps hurting like this, that alone is going to make me put a hole in a wall (probably with a shoe or something, let’s be real, I’m a wimp who can’t throw a punch)

I’m just pretty done.