Tag: anyway

neil-gaiman:

I’m flying off to LA this afternoon. I see her tomorrow. It seems strangely appropriate that today’s final (or possibly penultimate) Moment of Amanda is a long quote from her very own blog.

amandapalmer:

when i went in to record the album that i’m going to put out this fall, all i wanted was to have nothing else to do but Make the Record.

i meticulously planned my escape for MONTHS. 
i wanted to do as nothing as possible, to give up as many mundane responsibilities as i could.
that included being a boss, a friend, an emailer, a blogger…and a wife.

it wasn’t that i didn’t have the time to do it. 
i could have easily set aside 2 hours a day to do those things. easily.
but i didn’t want to. i wanted to go down the hole.

i told everyone i was going. and then i left.

my friendships, bless them, withstand a lot. 

my really good, strong deep ones have learned to exist like plants in drought climates.
they sometimes go weeks, months, years in some cases, with no rain. 
then, when it’s time, there’ll be a flood of love and attention. 
the friendships that can’t survive the pattern…those ones die, i guess, or turn into acquaintanceships. 

looking back on the last month i realize how important it was to me that i put up the long-distance wall.

amanda-in-person embraced life with a passion.
amanda-on-email-and-phone put up a Don’t Disturb sign.
the paradoxes.
i set up an autoreply, but i still checked my email. 
i didn’t want to feel responsible for answering any of it.
i would have marathon conversations on twitter, but not commit to having lunch with anyone. 
i wouldn’t email people i knew well, but i would stop and have coffee with a stranger in a cafe.

and neil?

it amazes me how much i’m able to love someone simply because they accept that i want to be alone to work.
that, in the true ironic twists and turns of love, is the ultimate turn-on for me. 
the ultimate turn-off? clinginess. neediness. damnation.

i’ve always been this way. 
pretty much every relationship i’ve ever been in has walked through this fire and mostly come out scorched and defeated.

i can’t believe sometimes that i found him, and that he found me.

two weird artists, flying in tandem, landing and fueling, flying again.

we barely stopped long enough to GET married. it’ll still take ages for us to move in together.
none of this seems strange to me, though.
it only seems strange in the company of other people who look at me with compassion and horror, as if i’ve had a limb amputated, when i say i haven’t seen my husband for three months.

but it works.

he wrote a book, i made my record, now we get to be together for a while and share what we’ve done.
and we’ll finally return to being in the same bed, where i’ll play him the day’s mixes and he’ll read me pages that he typed from his handwritten drafts.
and this, to me, this is paradise. this is the dream of a relationship i always had in my mind…and thought i may never find. 

and there’s a kind of compromise in every chafing moment, and we’re both learning, bit by uncomfortable bit.

but i’m enjoying the work of love.

i think he is, too.

……………………………………………..

i never really wanted to be a wife. 
it wasn’t on the list.
i never even really wanted to be an adult. 

i just desperately wanted to get to the part where people stopped telling me what to do.

i never really wanted anything but to be as much in love as possible at any given moment.

love defined by the moment, not the movies.

…………………………………………………………